3 yellow gifts of fresh mercy

1. I have not enjoyed coaching basketball this season. And I haven't given it my best, if I am honest. But the look on little Peyton's face today after making her shot in the game was somewhere between pride and appreciation. Made me feel as if coaching was worth it.

2. Char, who hates grocery shopping, joined the excursion today and lightened my load.

3. I read thru my journal today. I had forgotten much of the past. So thankful for God's merciful hand that has guided me thus far.

Day 3 and 4: Breathe in. Breathe out.

Today's blog is a culmination of the last 24 hours. I started writing my 500 words last night. As you will soon see, it started as a brainstorm of what I was thinking and feeling. I just couldn't find the thread to tie it all together...



There is a wave on the sand. As surely as it rolls it in, it rolls out. I can't stop it. I can only accept and embrace its rhythm. If I focus on the steady flow, it calms me. If I try to stop it, catch it or interfere in anyway, stress and frustration well within me as I chase the impossible.

Playing in the bathtub with a child. That slippery soap that pops out of your hand as soon as you squeeze. And, yet, applying no pressure leaves it lying in your hand.

The Proverbial butterfly that lands on your shoulder when you stop chasing.

I breathe in and breathe out. My mind rests and the words come. Panic blocks thinking. Resting brings insight. Sleepless nights yield unproductive days. A full night's rest sharpens the senses.

So, why do I struggle and stress over things I cannot control? Why do I strive for the impossible? Why do I yearn for those things that require a 12-16 hour day? Why do I stress when I am supposed to rest?

I read a fantastic quote today, "The things that you are passionate about are not random, they are your calling."

(The above was all written before any of what follows actually happened.)

After I put the computer to bed, I messaged my friend, Robin Stanley, on Facebook. She asked me (as I should have known she would), "How can I pray for your heart?" And, so I complained about not being passionate about my work, despite my success and my appreciation for my employer. And, she suggested (as only she could) that perhaps I was working excessively to drown out my heart cries. Yep. I  think she might have something there.

She continued to say that perhaps I am a workaholic because, in fact, work has been "my survival" -- or perhaps more accurately, my escape -- for a long time. And, in fact, I am trying to escape the power of the desires that God has placed inside of me. Even more, perhaps I am driven to work out of fear. Whoa. Yep. I think she was handpicked by God, last night, to give me a swift kick in the butt.

None of this means that I am quitting my job and running off to chase my dreams. But, I don't want to be driven by fear. Rather, it is time for me listen to the passions of my heart and use them in concert with my head and God's word. It is time to be intentional about the listening and the waiting.



479 words, 24 hours

To moms of children with stepmoms

The emotions are running high -- buzzing. Sometimes that works in my favor for writing. Today, I am not so sure. But, this message is critical. I just left the house of the mother of my stepchild. She was beyond rude and out of control. She made me feel stupid and small in front of her child. Apparently, she was upset because I picked up her daughter for soccer (as she directed), but then I stayed for practice. When she found out her daughter didn't need her cell phone in case she (mom) was late because I would be there with her daughter,  she became hysterical. That led to a completely nonsensical tongue-lashing that I received from her in front of her daughter. I am embarrassed, but I am more sad for my stepdaughter -- and sad for her mother.

If you are a mother of a child with a stepmother, and that stepmother sees your child as much as you do, please know that I have the utmost respect for the heartbreak that you have come to know. As a stepmother, I understand that I will never understand the carried-for-9-months, out-of-the-womb bonding that you know. And, I can't imagine how it feels to not have that bonded child with me 100% of the time. I only know the pain because I see it in my husband on "transition day". But, because I am called on to pinch-hit. Because I have a responsibility to care for another's child 50% of the time with her father. Because I made a commitment to be part of a family with my stepdaughter. Because I genuinely love to be in her life and watch her play, I leave you these thoughts.

Moms, your sons and daughters love you unconditionally. Their love for you is because of the bond you share. They will never love another mom-like figure more than they love you. There may be plenty of mom-like figures in their lives -- grandmas, aunts, teachers, friends.... Just because that mom-like figure might be your former husband's wife does not change how your children see you. Your role in their lives is never threatened. Even if another woman tries to forcibly step in and usurp your authority. It just won't work. Their love for you is that strong. You will ALWAYS be "Mom".

Failing to understand this results in misdirected anger and frustration -- and the only ones who really get hurt are the ones you love so much -- your children. So snap out of it! Most often the real source of that threatened feeling is your inability to love yourself. Moms of kids with stepmoms, please understand this clearly -- God Loves You!! He wants you in a relationship with Him so that He can fill you with all the love and grace and wisdom you need for all the stuff that life brings on. He is the only one who can heal the pain, and be the emotional Source that you need every day.  If you want a phenomenal relationship with your children, understand God's incredible love for you and trust that your children love you unconditionally.

3 gifts fragile

1. Life. And when it is, I am reminded not to take anything for granted.
2. Nothing in my house so that we can play full out.
3. Water balloons thrown by summer-soaked kids.

Cheri Lyn Novak

It's been a little while since my last post. And, let me just say a LOT has happened! I mean, a LOT has happened! I have a new name! I married Mark Novak, Jr. on December 20, 2011. If you recognize his name, that's because I featured him in a post about family. Apparently, Char knew before we did.

Now, I have added to my amazing family a husband, a daughter and more aunts, uncles and cousins than you can shake a stick at. The ceremony was a quiet one at home. Then, we celebrated this summer with a vow renewal ceremony along Lake Michigan and a tented party in the back of our humble home. It was so fun!

 Char had a great time getting to know her new cousins, Hannah and Grace. She got to meet Aunt Cheli and Grandmommy and Papa. Getting to know each other takes time, but the girls had it figured out in no time.

I purchased a home in Whitefish Bay after Mark and I started dating. We have stripped it down and remodeled it to make our two-bedroom, 1950's saltbox into a home for three.

 Oh, and I have a new job, too. Well, I have had a few jobs since I left Sears. But, I am now happily working for Home Depot, while I take on some sales training jobs on the side.

 As you can see, God continues to dump blessings on me. I know he is dumping blessings on you, too, even if we have to look for them sometimes.

That wretched bar of soap

Ever played in the tub with your kid -- squeezing the slippery soap so tight that it pops out of your hand?

I do that with life sometimes. In fact, more often than I care to admit. I squeeze so tightly the things that I want that, sometimes, they slip out of my hand. Then, I go splashing around in the water of life looking for that slippery soap only to have it elude me once more.

Corrie Ten Boom identified it another way. She said, "I've learned to hold everything loosely, because it hurts too much when God pries my fingers apart and takes them from me." Ahhhhh. Yep. I've been there, too. When I hear that quote, I imagine my fingers being superglued to the things I want -- and the skin-ripping pain of having to relinquish what's "mine".

Don Uth, pastor at First Baptist Church of Orlando, said this past week, "We weren't made for this world -- hold life loosely." So true.

Ever tried it? Ever really tried to hold everything -- your thoughts, actions, hopes and dreams -- loosely? What about your coworkers, friends, family, kids, parents, bosses, teachers? Not carelessly. Loosely. Loosely so that God can reorganize, reshape, rework them for His purposes. Just as an empty vessel cradling precious gifts but not clinging to them.

Ever tried to hold multiple ideas from multiple people loosely? Can opposing ideas and thoughts really coexist? Can different personalities and ideologies become one?

Are we truly capable of allowing a fellow human -- moreover a fellow Christian or Christian leader -- to progress on THEIR journey and not on ours? Can we give them the grace to fall? Can we help them up without expectation of where their journeys may lead?

What about your best friend? What about your spouse? Can you allow him or her to be who God created him/her to be without expecting YOUR purposes to be fulfilled?

This is where my heart is these days. Trying to hold all of God's gifts loosely without anticipating how the pieces fit my purposes. Frankly, it's messy. I want to fix it. I want to create an answer that satisfies me. And yet I know that His timing, His purposes and His plans are far greater than my own.