Monday, January 18, 2010

Blessed be the Name

I -- like most of you, I would imagine -- have been horrified by the earthquake in Haiti and the destruction in its wake.

I have had moments in the last few years when I couldn't sleep wondering if I would be able to pay my bills, wondering if I could afford the next meal, gas (which is critical to my job), or the roof over my head. Wondering if I would ever sell anything again and knowing that the stress and lack of sleep would affect my ability to sell. Stressed to what seemed like "the max", even though I knew the safety net known as my dad was waiting in the wings to help.

Imagine the Haitians. Imagine surviving an earthquake and losing EVERYTHING -- governmental structure, homes, family, children, parents, everything. Living through the horror of the aftermath -- dead bodies on the streets, heat, humidity, stench, burning bodies, mass graves, confusion, looting, sheer chaos. And, then face the real threat that after all of it, you may die from starvation or dehydration.

The thing I've noticed is that news reporters are finding camps of people because they hear singing. And, when they follow the singing, they find groups of Haitians standing in the fields praising God. Diane Sawyer reportedly followed the singing and in the fields they found Haitians singing in French. She insisted on knowing what they were singing. It was Blessed Be The Name of the Lord.

In the midst of complete devastation, they are singing. When the holocaust happens, they sing. They don't cry out to the Lord, "Why did you do this to me?" But, rather, they sing, "Thank you, God. You are Mighty and Good. You are Holy. You are Righteous. Your Name is Great. I love You."

When left with NOTHING but, the clothes on their back and their Father in Heaven, they choose to remember that they are securely cradled in His palm. This world is just a temporary home.

Pretty sure when my life came crashing in (and I didn't experience a fraction of their loss) that I didn't sing or praise -- at least not immediately. I am humbled by their response.

Maybe those tender saints who survive should send some missionaries over here. I could use their influence in my life.

Resisting the urge

Can I just say, I feel fantastic!! :) I mean really healthy and happy for the first time in a really long time. I suppose that these things don't happen all at once. But, it occurred to me the other day that I really am happy. And, as a result, my sales have increased, my rapport building with customers has increased, I laugh easier, etc...

So, I was thinking that I should link to a new blog. I should start something new that marks the beginning of this shift in the grief process.

And then I laughed. Out loud. Of all the lessons that I've learned over the last two years, it's that it's okay for my peas to touch my carrots. For the waffle syrup to spill over from one neat tidy little square to the next. That compartmentalization isn't healthy. In fact, while it protects in the short-term, in the long-run it can do much damage.

That in compartmentalizing my life I lose myself. Even when it hurts to read back over this blog and realize how really broken and messed up I was, I have to resist the urge to hide it. It's still who I am. It's a journal of progress. It's life. No need to pretend like the pain never existed. Rather the healing deserves a celebration!