Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The wastefulness of grace

Some people need to get their lives under control -- I need to let go a little bit. I am so concerned that I might not become the person that I think I should be -- that I am too afraid to let my real self develop. That somehow my life will pass me by -- and that I'm already behind this self-imposed idea of "where I should be". I am constantly trying to control the direction of my life to my own detriment.

As my counselor says, "how is that working for you?"

Needless to say, not very well. There is this idea in my head that if I am not measured -- if I don't control every moment, I'll waste my time/life. And, yet, I am learning that when I allow God to control, He teaches me things in the moment -- and allows me to almost physically see real change taking place in my life.

I know that I am weak and wicked. Why is it so difficult to relax and release control to a perfect God?

I was at my counselor's the other day and she was telling me about this book called The Shack. Apparently, the writing is weak, but the story is profound. In his biography the author says he's living in the northwest in the "wastefulness of grace."

That, to me, is an oxymoron and a luxury. I hate wastefulness. I love grace. But, together they create a deep and important truth -- that God POURS out his love on us. He doesn't dole out grace in neat, measured sugary sweet packages. He recklessly, wildly, mercifully, unreservedly showers his love on us.

I live for those quiet, completely abandoned, precious moments when I am truly present enough to bathe in the luxury of His love.

O The Deep Deep Love of Jesus

O the deep, deep love of Jesus, vast, unmeasured, boundless, free!
Rolling as a mighty ocean in its fullness over me!
Underneath me, all around me, is the current of Thy love
Leading onward, leading homeward to Thy glorious rest above!

O the deep, deep love of Jesus, spread His praise from shore to shore!
How He loveth, ever loveth, changeth never, nevermore!
How He watches o’er His loved ones, died to call them all His own;
How for them He intercedeth, watcheth o’er them from the throne!

O the deep, deep love of Jesus, love of every love the best!
’Tis an ocean full of blessing, ’tis a haven giving rest!
O the deep, deep love of Jesus, ’tis a heaven of heavens to me;
And it lifts me up to glory, for it lifts me up to Thee!

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