3 gifts fragile

1. Life. And when it is, I am reminded not to take anything for granted.
2. Nothing in my house so that we can play full out.
3. Water balloons thrown by summer-soaked kids.

3 gifts moving

1. Car full of family moving toward waterpark fun.
2. Heart moving toward peace.
3. Body moving toward health.

This Too Shall Pass

"This too shall pass..." I can still hear Amy Grant's voice ringing in my ears as I traveled to Florida in 2008. I was listening to her audiobook Mosaic as I headed on a month long escape/adventure. I cried over the reflection of what had passed in my life. The good and the bad. It is always comforting to know the bad will pass, yet we mourn the loss of the good.
My dad said it to me the other day -- "this too shall pass" -- as we were discussing an issue that was grating on me. I instantly remembered Amy's voice and reminded myself not to wish life away. It is just so short. Embrace the bad with the good. In a short time it will pass.
This week I learned of a dear friend with kidney cancer. Shortly after hearing the news, one of my best high school friends announced the death of her father. I wanted to shout at life, "Wait! Stop! Slow down! How can this be happening? I need more time!"
I watched Charlotte run off with her friends in indirectly supervised boundaries. She would return for a check-in and a quick hug, then flitter away on her scooter. She is growing up so fast. "Wait. Stop. Slow down! How can this be happening? I need more time!"
Time is passing, indeed. The weeks move so quickly I find myself speaking in terms of months not days or hours. I certainly feel the tug of intentionality to value the moment.

A gift red, read and written.

1. Favorite red mug that holds my coffee.
2. Reading Unfashionable and connecting with my mom and sister every other week.
3. This blog written for my heart to review my journey and see God's touchstones in my life.

3 gifts in the morning

1. Morning walk with the dog, who is learning not to pull on the leash. Leaves more time for reflection. :)
2. Coffee
3. Quiet

3 gifts in family

1. Unconditional love
2. Endless laughter
3. Joy

40 years

On the occasion of my 40th birthday, June 29, it is fitting to reflect on where I have been and where I am. Since it is now August, and I have perspective of that "terrible" (wink wink) day, I should publish this unfinished musing.

As you may or may not know, after eating healthy, working out five times a week and not losing weight, I hired a nutritionist in January. On top of the lack of changes externally, I was exhausted, achy and not sleeping well. Sounds like old age, right? That's what I thought too. But, it turns out there is a cure for messed up hormones and some effects of the aging process (at least there are ways to make getting older easier)! Doc Sage Campione helped me identify the issues and work toward getting healthy.

I also had a goal of being pregnant by my 40th birthday. My whole life I have wanted to have kids and raise a family. Doc Sage is on it! She has been super encouraging. I have been eating like a rockstar. My hormones are balancing. The supplements are helping me feel better. For the first time in my life my body actually has the capacity to have a child.

What I didn't tell Doc Sage is that I made a deal with myself after my divorce that if I didn't get pregnant by 40, I was done. It would be fine. But, that time in my life would pass and it was a good cut off point emotionally -- it wasn't meant to be.

So, on the occasion of my 40th birthday, I STRUGGLED. I mean really struggled with getting older. Right at the time I had opportunity to have a family, my time was up. I had set this arbitrary timeline to help me deal with the emotion of not having a family, when in fact it set off a completely different set of emotions surrounding fairness and timelines and numbers.

Silly, right? Right. But, the drama was worth the full circular understanding that everything is alright. God is still in control. He still has a plan for me. He still loves me beyond measure. He has blessed me beyond understanding. And, children or not, He always gives me what is best for ME. ...What is best for me..... The very best. And, He has the amazing ability to give me the best and at the same time give the best to my loves -- because He loves them, too. And, so, again I rest in His amazing grace.

3 gifts ugly-beautiful

1. The ugliness of exhaustion -- beautiful results of hard work
2. The ugliness of racism -- beauty of common ground
3. The ugliness of bullying -- the beauty of taking a stand

Three gifts in water

1. Washes out the toxins
2. Refreshes on a hot day
3. Gives life to flowers inspite of my brown thumb.

Three gifts white

1. White-hot anger, awakens awareness
2. White knights in the store associates who rescued my mini Ipad
3. Little white Prius with well over 300k miles that keeps on running