Friday, September 26, 2008

From the sandbox to the beach

Wow! It's hard to believe the month is coming to an end. The last few weeks have been incredibly full and passed so quickly. While it's been a "vacation" it hasn't been easy.

I have loved and laughed and cried and been inspired. I have breathed in the smell of newborns, revelled in the love of young children, enjoyed deep, satisfying conversations with long time friends, wrestled with my own fears and insecurities, and in the end found new motivation.

I can honestly say that at the start of this adventure, my "sandbox," as my mother refers to my understanding of the world, was quite small. Clearly, it had atrophied over the last 8 years, without my even perceiving it. But, thanks to this time, my eyes have been open to new possibilities.

My sandbox has grown and, towel in hand, I'm heading for the beach.

Not that the transition will be easy or certain. Sadly, I'm realizing that more than finances and emotional health have deteriorated over the years. But, I have a firm grip on reality -- and I am confident in the faithfulness of God. I am sure that He will make my paths straight.

If I have learned one thing, it is that -- whether we know it or not -- we are all in crisis. As long as we inhabit the earth, there is a deep longing in our hearts that cannot be filled with anything but the life-giving, thirst-quenching presence of God. Money, perfection, human love, sex, education, power, control -- none of it will ever "fill the hole".
Tomorrow marks what would have been the 8th anniversary of my marriage. It is fitting that the day arrives as this life-changing trip comes to a close, and I open a new chapter in my life.

I am deeply grateful for the friends who have opened their homes to me, shared their lives with me -- and been kind enough to allow me to indulge in this soul-searching adventure. Their graciousness is evidence of God's unending love.

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